As parents, we all want our children to grow into honest, empathetic, and emotionally secure adults. Yet research shows that most parents lie to their children at least some of the time usually with good intentions, such as avoiding conflict or encouraging cooperation. However, a growing body of evidence suggests that even small, seemingly harmless lies can have long-term effects on a child’s behaviour and emotional development.
Studies now indicate that children who are frequently lied to are more likely to become dishonest themselves, and may even be at higher risk of developing aggressive or antisocial behaviours. A fascinating psychological experiment helps to explain why.
The Experiment: A Simple Lie with Big Consequences
Researchers conducted a two-part study involving young children. In the first phase, a researcher met with each child individually and excitedly told them:
“There’s a big bowl of candy in the next room, do you want to go get some?”
Naturally, the children were eager. But when they entered the room, they discovered there was no bowl of candy. The researcher simply apologised and said:
“Oh, I just said that because I wanted you to come and play a game with me.”
Although disappointed, most children politely agreed to play the game. But this small lie set the stage for something much more revealing.
Phase Two: Testing Honesty and Obedience
Later, the researcher held a stuffed toy behind their back, something familiar like Minnie Mouse or Winnie the Pooh and asked the child to guess who it was. Just before the child could respond, the researcher pretended to be interrupted and said:
“I have to leave for a moment. I’m going to hide this toy under the cloth. Please don’t peek while I’m gone.”
A hidden camera recorded what the children did next.
As a control, the researchers repeated the second phase with a new group of children who had not been lied to earlier.
When the researcher returned, they asked:
“Tell me the truth did you peek at the toy or not?”
The results were striking.
What the Researchers Found
Children who had been lied to earlier were:
✔ More likely to disobey the instructions
They peeked under the cloth far more often than the children in the control group.
✔ More likely to lie about it afterwards
They denied peeking significantly more often than the children who had not experienced the initial lie.
This shows that lying doesn’t simply disappoint children, it changes their behaviour.
Why Lying Damages Trust and Behaviour
The research suggests several important conclusions:
1. Lying Erodes a Child’s Trust
When adults lie, even about something small, children internalise the message that the adult isn’t reliable or predictable.
2. Children Mirror What They Experience
If they see lying used as a tool to control behaviour, they are more likely to use dishonesty themselves.
3. Lying Makes Children Feel Unsafe and Alone
Further experiments revealed that children who were lied to often felt they didn’t have a trustworthy adult to turn to. This sense of vulnerability can lead to emotional withdrawal or aggressive behaviour, especially when they feel misunderstood or treated unfairly.
4. It Undermines Your Rules and Instructions
Children are far less likely to follow directions from someone they don’t fully trust.
The Takeaway for Parents
Being truthful with your children, even in difficult moments builds a foundation of trust that lasts into adolescence and adulthood. Honesty helps children feel secure, valued, and connected, and it teaches them to be honest in return.
Of course, this doesn’t mean we need to share everything with our children, especially when certain topics are too complex or emotionally heavy for them to process. But avoiding lies, even small ones, protects the relationship and supports healthier emotional development.
For more helpful parenting tips, watch my video below:
