Children with Selective Mutism need empathic support
Children with selective mutism are physically capable of speaking, but do not speak in specific situations or to specific people.
For more information on Selective Mutism and how it presents in children, read this article: https://www.childpsych.co.za/barriers-to-learning/selective-mutism/
Selective Mutism (SM) is a debilitating disorder and may have a very negative impact on a child’s daily functioning in social settings. It is vital that children with Selective Mutism receive therapeutic intervention and often their extreme anxiety needs to be treated medically. But in addition to this there are some things that adults working with children with SM can do to help support them.
Below are some tips to help guide those working with children with Selective Mutism:
- It is very important to keep in mind that Selective Mutism is not a choice, but stems from a very deep seated fear of being ridiculed or rejected during social interactions.
- For children with SM, speaking is hard. When you notice a child with SM clamming up, try not to ask them questions but rather just chat to them in general – sharing things about yourself and your day without expecting a response from them.
- When questioning is necessary, try not to ask Open ended questions as these usually require a child to formulate long or detailed answers. Whenever possible, rather ask closed ended questions which only requires the child to answer with a short one-word answer. For instance, instead of asking: “What did you think about our trip to the Zoo today, Andrew?” Rather ask: “Did you enjoy our trip to the Zoo today, Andrew?”. Or instead of asking “Whose lunchboxes are these, rather approach the child directly and ask “Which lunchbox is yours, Andrew – the green one or the blue one?”
- Children with Selective Mutism are extremely sensitive to being teased or ridiculed. It is very important that teachers and other adults try to look out for situations in which this might happen and to pre-empt it. Try to resolve the situation by displaying empathy and support for the child. For instance, one could say: “Oh goodness, I noticed you just tripped on the carpet. It can look so funny when that happens, I remember when it happened to me last week. Are you okay? “ and then addressing the class “Remember class, it is very important that we always help to look after each other. When someone trips, we have to see whether we can help them up”.
- It is important that children know there is an expectation for them to talk in social situations, but that we do not put pressure on a child in this regard. For instance, on the way to school a parent may encourage the child to talk to their teacher by saying things like “It would be good if you could greet your teacher today when you get to school” but DO NOT put pressure on the child once they arrive at the school by saying: “Come now, greet your teacher”. If the child found the task difficult, discuss it with them afterwards and say things like: “It’s okay if you weren’t able to greet your teacher today. We’ll try again tomorrow”.
- Never, ever bribe a child to speak by promising them rewards. This puts enormous pressure on a child and makes them feel that they have failed when they are not able to speak in social situations.
- Give the child time to speak. Children with Selective Mutism often take a while to respond to questions (this is usually because they are scraping all their courage together to speak while trying to suppress their anxiety). Always wait a few seconds after you have asked a question in order to give the child a chance to answer.
- Be comfortable to sit in silence with a child with Selective Mutism. Non-verbal communication and joint attention to a task can do a lot to gain a child’s trust and to help them feel comfortable.
- Where possible, prepare others beforehand for the fact that the child finds it difficult to speak in social situations and explain that the child is not being rude or defiant when they do not greet others or say “please” or “thank you”.
- Prepare the child as far as possible for what to expect. Selective Mutism is a symptom of a much larger phenomenon of Social Anxiety. Children feel uncomfortable in social situations, even though they have a great need for social interaction and recognition. When things change to quickly and children with SM do not know what to expect it may throw them off completely. Children with SM generally do not like surprises. Prepare the child by saying things like: “Now remember as soon as we have finished our lunch tomorrow, we will all go to assembly together to listen to the choir sing. We will all sit together and I will be right there is any of you need anything”.
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Hello there, I need help for my daughter, I’m unemployed and in desperate need of helping my daughter who shows this behaviour of selective mutism… where can I go to seek advice and help ?? When ever i do research i see childpsych, popping up but have checked the service fees and i cannot afford this for help, Today my daughter had an accident in class as she couldn’t ask to go to the toilet, so many kids walked behind her and discussed her dress being wet, this breaks my heart, how difficult wasn’t this for her to experience… I need help is there anyone able to advise me as to where to go… PLEASE…
THANK YOU I WOULD APPRECIATE EVEN THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF HELP…
Hi Sam,
I’ve sent you an email as well as a Whatsapp
Hi, I am based in pretoria and have a daughter who is showing symptoms of selective mutism. Please direct me where to go for professional help.
Hello, I need assistance for my 10 year old son, who shows the same behaviour of selective mutism… where can I go to seek advice and help
I am seeking help for my daughter
Hi Roscoe – which area do you live in?
Hi. I have a three year old daughter that displays symptoms of SM. Is there someone in johannesburg that anyone could recommend for me to take her to? Refuses to speak to teachers at school but chats non stop at home. Avoids eye contact with teachers and has not said a word to them in over a year now.
Hi,I have a nine yr old who I just discovered he might have selective mutism he’s been made to repeat grades because he’s quiet at school and they say they are not able to assess him that is why he doesn’t pass but he’s very clever and can do everything. I need help with relevant doctors I can go to. I’m in Polokwane and willing to travel to Pretoria or joburg.
Hi,I have a nine yr old who I just discovered he might have selective mutism he’s been made to repeat grades because he’s quiet at school and they say they are not able to assess him that is why he doesn’t pass but he’s very clever and can do everything. I need help with relevant doctors I can go to. I’m in Polokwane and willing to travel to Pretoria or joburg.
Hi Thenji,
The first issue to address is the underlying social anxiety. Any psychologist who works with children should be able to address anxiety in children. Perhaps Orit Grosman in Bryanston might be able to help you?
Good day,
I have read though some comments hoping to get direction on where to go for help. I have 3 1/2 year old son, showing SM symptoms. Talks freely at home, but nothing with the teachers. Been 6 months at new school now
Hi Lebo,
Even though there are very few therapists who specialise in SM, it is important to keep in mind – first and foremost – that SM is a manifestation of social anxiety. The anxiety is thus the first aspect that needs to be addressed and most psychologists who work with children are able to address Anxiety. Get her help as soon as you can, even if it is not with an SM specialist it is important to start addressing that anxiety as soon as possible.
That’s sad. Him not speaking shouldn’t be a reason to keep him in class though, that’s not fair at all.
I grew up just like him, I spent 8 years of my primary school life without ever speaking out loud to anyone for any reason. I was punished and tortured for my condition, but at least they didn’t kept me in class because of my poor communication.
You should consider changing school if that’s how they’re going to treat him…
Hi, I am based in pretoria and have a daughter who is showing symptoms of selective mutism. Please direct me where to go for professional help.
Looking for a therapist to help with selective mutism in my 6 year old daughter. Western Cape Durbanville